How Ivlynn Yap balanced motherhood and her career without losing herself

KUALA LUMPUR: Most people believe life demands difficult choices – career or family, ambition or motherhood, success or fulfilment. Ivlynn Yap never accepted that.

Throughout a career spanning more than three decades in journalism, corporate communications and crisis management, she built a successful business while raising two children, refusing to believe one had to come at the expense of another.

Along the way, she interviewed technology leaders such as Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates and Oracle co-founder Larry Ellison. Today, she runs her own consulting firm.

“When people see women in the workforce, they often need to see them as professionals first – not women first,” she told FMT Lifestyle. Women, she noted, tend to be labelled “aggressive” or “not feminine” enough simply for being firm.

She knows this from experience: such expectations deepened after she became a mother, even though she had already established her consulting firm. She, however, refused to let motherhood signal the end of her career.

“I decided I wanted to live the kind of life I wanted – to have a career, run my business and, at the same time, still be a mother,” said Yap, who has two children.

And she made it work. When her children came home from school full of energy but she still had work to do, Yap would take them to shopping malls with indoor playgrounds. While they played, she would work nearby, keeping an eye on them.

During school holidays, they accompanied her to the office, where a trusted employee looked after them while she met clients.

To Yap, these were never sacrifices. “They were all about management,” said the 57-year-old.

“The narrative of work-life balance is that you are juggling everything. You can’t,” she added.

Instead, Yap believes the key is recognising what needs your attention most at any given moment. She describes this approach as “work-life prioritisation”.

Still, prioritisation can mean making difficult decisions. When Yap learnt that her son, then in primary school, had been admitted to hospital, she asked a senior manager to attend a client meeting in her place and rushed to be by his side.

The client, however, was unhappy she had missed the meeting. When the contract came up for renewal, Yap chose not to continue the relationship.

“I said, ‘I do not serve anyone who expects me to choose their company over my child’.”

A childhood that built confidence

Long before her career began, Yap’s outlook on life was shaped at home.The seventh of eight siblings, she spent much of her childhood following her elder brother.

“He taught me how to cycle, and I played badminton and watched movies with his friends. I was tomboyish and wore jeans.

“But my father was never ashamed of me. He would say, ‘She can dress however she likes – she’s still a girl.’ That gave me the confidence that I could do whatever I wanted.”

While her father encouraged her to forge her own path, her mother taught her cooking and household responsibilities, giving Yap what she describes as “the best of both worlds”.

Life also tested her physically: Yap struggled with weak legs as a child before gradually building her strength. At 18, she developed pulmonary tuberculosis, leaving her with only one functioning lung.

Rather than letting her conditions define her, she embraced life to the fullest, climbing Mount Kinabalu, tackling white-water rafting, and even going bungee jumping.

Of course, embracing life also means knowing when to slow down.

While working as a regional marketing manager, the demands of the job eventually took a toll on her health. Choosing her wellbeing over work, Yap took a six-month break to rest and recover.

Those experiences eventually found their way into “Choices”, her memoir released in December. More than an account of her life, the book encourages readers to recognise that they still have choices, even amidst life’s competing demands.

Among the lessons Yap hopes women will take away is the importance of choosing themselves.

Drawing on the familiar airline-safety instruction of putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others, she urges women not to neglect their own wellbeing while caring for others.

Ultimately, her message is simple: “Choose to live,” Yap said.

For her, success is no longer measured by wealth or possessions. “It is living a life that is truly yours.”

‘Choices’ is priced at RM48.80 (excluding delivery) and is available here as well as at MPH Bookstores.